Bitter-Sweet: The Challenges & Blessings of Being a PK

A misunderstood lot.

A people under siege.  

Like a house on a hill, a people under the scrutiny of all.

People who pay a high price for a call they are seldom consulted let alone consent to.

A people without identity. Covered by the huge shadows of preacher parent(s), many lose their voices and purposes.

It’s all about doing things to please their hero parents or those who would question the parents’ call if they don’t.

Welcome to the world of preachers’ kids aka PKs.

It’s a gall-honey world, one laden with many challenges and a fair share of blessings.

This will not be news to my fellow PKs. Many will identify with much of what will be said and given a chance, perhaps say it even better.

If you are not a PK, sit back and let me walk you down our world.

So, we (I on behalf of many PKs) rant.

The Challenges

First off, it can be confusing. Are we really born again?

We live in a Christian environment where everything spells Christ. Bibles have been the most conspicuous decoration in our homes. In case you stumble, you must take care not to fall over a church musical instrument.

We take breakfast in the company of the twenty-four elders as we bow in worship and the entire heavenly host joins us at the dinner table! Throughout the day, visitors from church and community at large flock home and all we hear are talks about God.

Talking of God-talks, Christianese is the official language at home. We mastered Christian jargon like halleluiah and amen in our mothers’ wombs. In fact, we can’t tell whether the first time we muttered baba was in reference to our biological or heavenly father! It’s that serious.     

As if that’s not enough, ever since we were self-aware, we have been in Church doing what church people do.

Isn’t that a good thing?

Well, potentially. But it’s a double-edged sword.

See, living in such a God-saturated environment where everyone is supposed to be born again, it’s very easy for us to assume we are born again without making a conscious decision to follow Christ.

That’s why we lament to our preacher parents.

Pardon our audacity. No one calls the anointed MOG/ WOG to the stand but please allow us to. We are your children, biological children for crying out loud.

Please stop assuming that just because you raised us in a Christian environment we will become believers automatically.

Or that we will hear you preach on the pulpit and respond.

We could but it would make a world of difference when you make time and talk to us about salvation one-on-one. Help clear spiritual fog off our eyes by explaining to us what salvation is and how someone becomes a believer, and help us make that decision.

Let your ministry start at home. Truly, what would it benefit you to preach to others to heaven while your children are headed to hell?

By the way, sidelining us while investing so much time to preach to others is one reason some of us are rebellious.

Sometimes rebellion is our cry for attention.

Prioritize us. As the Bible exhorts, be a priest at home first before you pastor anyone else. 

Moreover, our dear parents, would you please stop confusing us?

You preach water and drink wine.

When you preach against something we always see you do or tell others to do something and do the opposite at home, how then do you expect us to believe the message you are preaching?

How are we to believe your God? How are we to honor you as a person?  

Of course, it would be hard.

If you want us to honor you and your God, walk the talk. It’s good to preach but your sermons would be more portent when we see you live them out.

What’s more, some of our preacher parents are gossips! To make it worse, you do it in our presence.

You talk ill of brothers and sisters in Church and other ministers.

This is our issue with that.                                             

How do you expect us to treat the people you gossip about when we meet them or when they visit? How are we to erase the negative images you painted for us?

Are we to treat them differently or as you described them?  

Please respect us.

If you must gossip (which you shouldn’t), please do away it away from us. Don’t unnecessarily darken our perceptions of certain people with negative talk.

Better still, don’t teach us the bad habit of gossiping.

We have a lot to say to our dear parents, a lot. But let’s leave it at that and turn our attention to the congregation and the community at large.

Why won’t you just let us be?

Who said a pastor’s kid is a pastor? Just because my dad or mum is a pastor does not mean I am or should be one.

If God calls some of us to follow in our parents’ footsteps, well and good. Otherwise, allow us to pursue our dreams and passions in peace.

That said, tame your expectations of us.

Where did you get the idea we are perfect from?

As much as we are affiliated with the big guy who seems to have it all together, that perfection is not transfused into us.

We don’t know everything, and neither are we perfect.

Allow us to be kids. Allow us to live like any other kid in the neighborhood. To figure our way through life, make mistakes kids make, learn from them, and mature.

In case we falter, be gracious enough to restore us in love.

But let the double standards stop. Why crucify us for the very things other children (including your own) are doing?

We’d appreciate it if you stopped focusing all your energies on parenting us. Yes, we are grateful for some of your genuine efforts but trust us, our parents are doing their best to raise us. So, go slow on unsolicited pieces of advice and parental lashing and instead dedicate much of that time and energy to raising your own children.

We are sorry for using harsh words. Trust us, we say it all in love. It’s always frustrating to see or hear your children are doing the very things you are calling us out for or even worse.

Another important point. Stop isolating us. Like any human, PKs are social beings. We thrive in a community.

When you plan fun things like birthday parties, graduation parties, drives, game nights, picnics, you name them, tag us along. Don’t assume we are not interested in ‘earthly’ stuff or our parents won’t give us permission to attend.  

Most of us and our parents are balanced human beings who appreciate there’s time for everything. Time to be in church doing church things, and a time to be out there having godly fun.

So, invite us. We will come.  

And when we come, don’t hold back trying to be on your best behavior. We are not coming to spy on you.

Do you go telling your parents everything that happened say at a party?  

Exactly.

Let your guard down and let’s all enjoy the moments together.

The Blessings

Is the PKs world all doom and gloom?

It might seem so but it’s not all bitter.

Let’s end on a sweet note. Being a PK comes with many blessings and privileges.

Firstly, growing up in a Christian environment and being involved in church from an early age has helped many of us to come to the saving knowledge of Christ early in life.

What beats that?

Getting to know Christ early and the (spoken and unspoken) restrictions in a godly home in general definitely saved us from many perils which plagued some of our peers who did not have such an environment.

Secondly, being in the limelight meant we were not just under the scrutiny of our parents, church members and the community at large also kept an eye on us. That meant we had to be on our best behavior all the time. Any news of misbehavior got home quicker than lightning.

We lamented strongly about scrutiny and meddling but I dare say many of us would not turn out into the decent, integrous human beings we are today without it. It was a blessing in disguise 

Furthermore, being in church under the keen eyes of godly parents has helped some of us clarify the call to ministry.

Having a better view of what ministry entails and loving the outcome, some have followed in our parents’ footsteps. Other PKs take a different path after counting the cost.

Someone without such a vantage point might take a longer time to decide whether or not to join ministry and should they take that path of ministry equally long to acclimatize. 

Besides, interacting with different people and speaking before people from an early age greatly developed our interpersonal and public speaking skills. This gives us an added advantage in work spaces, relationships, and such spheres of life where such soft skills come in handy.

The same goes for leadership skills. PKs get many opportunities to lead in church which sharpens our leadership skills, a privilege that sets us up for success in virtually every space we are in.

All to say that being PKs has helped many of us to discover and grow our gifts, talents, and capacities in life.

Let’s not even go to the connections and favors we have received on account of our parents.

Blessings upon blessings. Thank you, Lord, for this great privilege.

Sign Off

With that, we sign off.

Enough of the ranting.

Thank you for seeing the world through our eyes, even if it be for the few minutes you read through this.

PKs are not complicated as many assume. It’s just that many times we are misunderstood.

Are we complaining? A little. Well, perhaps a little more. Being a PK comes with many unique challenges.

Are we grateful? Yes. So very much. Challenges aside, being a PK is a great blessing and privilege.

For sure, ours is a bitter-sweet experience.